sooner or later
“I know how you must feel,” continued the Rat. “But sooner or later, it was bound to disappear. Me and you, these girls with their certain somethings, we’ve all got to go sometime.”
A Wild SHeep Chase – Haruki Murakami
“I know how you must feel,” continued the Rat. “But sooner or later, it was bound to disappear. Me and you, these girls with their certain somethings, we’ve all got to go sometime.”
A Wild SHeep Chase – Haruki Murakami
十月的晚上,沒有半點涼意。
「很熱啊。」我說。
她默不作聲,看着沙灘上不遠處的那艘破舊木船。
******
剛才我們來到的時候,天還未全黑,沙灘上只有可寥寥可數的五個人。看似是情侶的那兩個人,在距離海邊較遠的地方坐着,吃着零食,聊聊天;另外那兩男一女,嘻嘻哈哈地踢着那個應該是排球的東西。天還未黑,沙灘上還未有第一點燭光。
******
「我們可以永遠留在這裡嗎?」她問。
這時候,已經有大約二三十人在沙灘上。所見的範圍,除了由那圓圓的月亮散發着淡黃的光輝外,就是被沙灘上數百支被燃點着的燭光,以及那數十個紙燈籠裡搖曳着的微光所照亮着。
「好啊。」我說。「至少,這裡沒有電燈籠。」
我們都討厭電燈籠。每次看見那種由電池所產生的穏定電流所推動的穏定的燈光,以及那塑膠造的又硬又冰冷的外殼,都令我覺得十分可悲。為甚麼街上的人都好像樂在其中?為甚麼街上的人不是把玩着電燈籠,就是把那些又冰又冷的螢光膠條串連成一些沒甚特別的形狀,然後掛到身上?十年前,中秋節的氣溫雖然比較涼快,但氣氛卻不是這樣冰冷的。
「這裡還好像我們十年前初次來到那樣,沒有半點街燈,只有點點的燭光」我說。
「如果那個晚上,你沒有跟我說分手,」她淡淡地笑着說,「也許我們不會再來到這個沙灘了。」
我淡淡的笑了。
破木船上滿佈大大小小百多支蠟燭,不斷熔化的紅色的蠟滴到沙上。
「如果可以回到十年前,多好。」她說。「假如我們沒有分手,也許我間中還會怪你太不細心,也許你間中會嫌我太過困身,但至少,我們可以隨時見面,至少,在我需要你的時候,你還會在我的身邊。」
終於,象徵着秋天來到的一陣涼風吹到沙灘上。破船上有些蠟燭被吹翻了,燃點起滿佈了整艘木船上那些紅色的蠟。整個沙灘忽然靜下來,所有人的目光都放在這艘被大火包圍着的木船上。
我把手放在她的肩膀上。
「很危險啊。」她說,然後把頭放到我的肩膀上。
今晚過後,我們就要回到佈滿電燈與塑膠的現實的街上。雖然大火過後我們甚麼都捉不緊,但這一刻的危險,比安全的現實的街上的一切都更真實。
昨天我的朋友告訴我,他殺了一個人。是嘛,我說。
其實我想說,數天前我也殺了一個人呀。因為當我知道有人要殺我的時候,我不能說:「那麼好吧!出手要快啊,我害怕慢慢等死的痛苦。」然後就讓他以他喜歡的方式把我折磨至死的。我也要替我的身體及心理健康著想吧?於是我唯有先出手把他殺掉。老實說,落刀的時候我並沒有考慮到他是否對這種死法有什麼不滿。也許他會嫌死相太過恐佈,也許他想有數十個現場觀眾目擊整個過程,也許他還未想死。但如果要替他一一考慮的話,也許先死的會是我。也許你會抱怨:「這未免太過不公平了吧!」說起來,傳說中這個世界確實有「公平」這種物體存在的,只是假如我沒有親眼看見的話我是不會相信的。於是,我就這樣一刀的把他的頭顱砍掉,看著頭顱滾到大門處停下來,然後聽到血從大動脈噴射出來發出的「吱吱」聲慢慢變小,最後靜下來。早晨的陽光照到牆上灑滿血跡的鐘上。真要命,我還要渡過幾多通宵的晚上?
我的朋友用飲管把玩著杯中還未完全溶掉的冰塊,訴說著他殺人的理由。他說殺死她是為她好,因為不想看到她將來可能會承受的痛苦。況且,她這次死掉,投胎過後也許會有更美好的將來呢,因為大家都知道,愈遲死去的人投胎的機會就愈小。說罷他靜下來,看出窗外。雖然街上充滿著各式各樣的行人,但他的焦點卻落在過去時空中。之後的五分鐘內我們都沒有說一句話。
死去的人是否真的可以投胎?投胎後還是否一個完整的人?以我個人的經歷來說,當然我殺過不少人,但同時亦有多次被殺的經驗。每次被殺的過程都很痛苦。即使你是在 0.1 秒內被殺死,但痛苦卻可以延續數年之久。當你終於再次投胎過來的時候,你會發現其實有一部份的你永遠殘留在當天的屍體上。或是被火化了,或是長埋黃土之下,無論如何你都不再是一個完整的人。也許你會惘想在別人的身上可以找回失去的那部份,別人也會在你的身上尋找他「應得的」那個部份,然而最後血案發生,大家都死去,再失去更多的部份,再投胎,再失去……直到當你明白尋找及撕殺的過程其實同樣毫無義意的時候,那時候己經滿街鮮血,屍橫遍野,剩下的就只有我們殘破不堪的靈魂,抬頭望著灰矇矇的天空中那個已經變得非常陌生的自己過去的身影。
This was what I’ve been busying with in the whole August, besides 24Herb’s Hu Ge MV.
Thanks Dan from freshnessmag for following coverage!
You can read the whole story in the following links:
TAIPEI NIKE IAM1 JOURNEY – DAY1
TAIPEI NIKE IAM1 JOURNEY – DAY2
TAIPEI NIKE IAM1 JOURNEY – DAY2.5
TAIPEI NIKE IAM1 JOURNEY – DAY3
TAIPEI NIKE IAM1 JOURNEY – DAY3.5
TAIPEI NIKE IAM1 JOURNEY – DAY4
TAIPEI NIKE IAM1 JOURNEY – Epilogue
Recently I’ve directed a Music Video “HU GE” for 24Herbs.
That was a really funny shooting night!!
here are my buddies I want to thanks for this project:
Brandon aka Ghost Style aka Gee Stylez aka 四哥
(actually how many alias u’ve got?):
Thanks for bring me and my bro to this project and we enjoyed it so much!
24herbs:
u guys rock!! crazy yet cool as usual. keep it up!!!
winnie:
i found out that your name is not on the credit list… so i want to say thanks here for tolerating my strange schedule!! get well soon!!!
wy my bro and wen:
cool styling cool art direction cool color which is hard to find in HK!
生少 aka jackie aka chaofi aka lilili:
we dun need to say anything ok?!?! i’ll promote your it21 here ok?
ChaoFi for IT21
amy:
we owe u a lot!!! wish u can get an accurate taxi next time!
jean.T:
the feedback of the hair styling is really gooooood u know? we owe u a lot!!!
annie:
we love the moves so much!!! thanks everytime for your instant brilliant ideas!!
chun aka sugarcoatvfx:
thanks everytime for the help!!!!!!!!!!
益 aka vic li:
thanks for your strength….
Let’s have fun next time!
We Li Ke Hu Ge Clea Va Ge!!!!!!
When I was seventeen, I never imagine that life would be so constrained, that there would be so few opportunities.
- Michel Houellebecq “Atomised”
I suppose that’s old age for you – you don’t care much about anything; you don’t feel bitter anymore, but you don’t feel terribly happy either. You spent most of your time worrying about the state of your insides
- Michel Houellebecq “Atomised”
He was increasingly aware that there was something fundamental missing in their analysis of gene mutations; and that this was probably related to phenomenon at the atomic or sub-atomic level.
- Michel Houellebecq “Atomised”
so this is what Andy Warhol famous for: putting people (or his superstars) in front of his film camera in the Factory and let them be themselves for as long as he wanted.
This time we have 13 of those screen tests shot in the middle of the chaotic glamourous ’60s, featuring the legendary superstar Edie Sedgwick, the cool Nico, Lou Reed from the Velvet Underground, the very talented but die young dancer Freddy Herko and more.
But Where is the Bob Dylan’s one?
13 Most Beautiful… Songs for Andy Warhol’s Screen Tests Limited Edition DVD
Finally I got the time to update my showreel.
“Two people kissing,” I said, “always look like they’re fish. Two people kissing, what does it mean, anyway?”
Damien said, “it means you trust the other person enough to let them touch you.”
“No it doesn’t. People kiss people they don’t trust all the time. Especially in Europe and at parties. Think of all the people we know who’ll kiss anybody. Does that mean they’re ‘trusting’?”
“I think it does, yes.” B said. This B is was stubborn. “They trust a lot of people, is all.”
B kissed Damian. Two people kissing always loook like fish.
- Andy Warhol “From A to B and Back Again”